As we've mentioned on several previous occasions, Glossy News is absolutely dedicated to bringing you the freshest news hot off the griddle. Some feel it's important to first see that it's cooked all the way through, we just serve it up hot. As such we have never ever verified the truth or validity of even the most outrageous of our articles. It's for the best.

Further, many of our retractions are also completely incorrect. We do not, however, retract our retractions. Overkill at that point.

It seems there was one or more small clerical error(s) in our last edition. Please note the following corrections:

Bin Laden did not actually submit a tape asking to trade cash for his doppelganger. Apparently the man featured in the photograph was not even his body-double, but an American youth from a Halloween party His whereabouts are as of yet unknown. If you have information leading to his safe return it will be greatly rewarded, but not with money.

Bigotry Foundation was reportedly seeking funds for scholarships. There is in fact no Bigotry Foundation. As the founders state, "It's not what we got on paper, it's something that's in us from when we were little." As to whether that is crawdads or moonshine, we are unclear, since they have had large quantities of those in them since they were little. We are convinced however, that it is not teeth, since most of them are still waiting for their adult teeth to grow in.

Don Gotti was not acquitted at the conclusion of his trial in purgatory, but rather the case was dismissed. Further the jury of canonized nuns were all later taken as his lovers prior to his return to this earth. Peace be with you Don and God have mercy on you.

France was reportedly facing an increase in alcoholism to 46%. We have now learned that this is completely inaccurate and we apologize with our greatest sincerity. 46% were the respondents sober enough to speak when asked if they were alcoholics. 40% affirmative, 32% undecided, 18% confused, 9% vomited on our shoes, 1% were other reporters.

All of the Horoscopes were straight up bad advice. Didn't know that until after our staff whores acted upon the advice, but hey man, we live and learn.

Best we can tell everything else is true, accurate and chalk full of wisdom.